This story is dedicated to the fuck face at Goodwill one Sunday morning…

Lyndon Crallis drove his car to Goodwill because he had a small donation to give. He drove down the path to the back entrance and found a mound of boxes and garbage bags full of stuff waiting to be picked up by the Goodwill handlers. Parked outside the door was another vehicle. Lindon didn’t think anything of it; surely this person wouldn’t hamper his progress

He opened his trunk and pulled out his intended donations, and stacked them neatly with the rest of the pile. He went back to his car, hoping that the person in front would move so he could pass.

It did not move. Lyndon saw the man sitting there in his seat, just waiting… Perhaps he was waiting for help to carry some heavy donations out of his SUV, but since Lindon didn’t want to stay trapped behind him, he walked up to the driver’s side door to ask if he would move closer to the building.

“Excuse me sir,” said Lyndon, “Could you please pull up closer to the side of the building so I can pass through?”

“No. Just put your vehicle in reverse and leave.”

Lyndon persisted. “I’d really hate to run into someone while I’m backing up. There is plenty of room on the side that you could move over and I could pass through.”

“I’m not moving. It’s your fault for getting here early. You should just wait. Or you can go in reverse.”

Lyndon’s patience had left him. He didn’t want it to come to this. He was trying hard to turn a new leaf and be a good citizen, but his pride wouldn’t let him.

“Alright sir,” he said, turning around. And then, loudly enough for the man to hear out of his open window. “May all your tires burst and you are stranded here for 3 hours.”

Lyndon stepped back into his car and watched as the man flipped him the bird. Lindon put his car in reverse and backed up around the corner to a side parking spot. He parked his car and  pulled a large tactical knife out of his glove box. He stepped out and walked back to the SUV and jabbed his knife straight into the back passenger tire. It popped and hissed as Lyndon pulled the blade out and made his way to the driver side back tire.

“What are you doing? You mother fucker!” the man stepped out of his car as Lyndon popped his second tire.

“Making good on my curse,” Lyndon said, a crooked smile stretched across his face. He hadn’t felt this joyous since his last vengeance.

“I’ll call the police you lunatic!”

Lyndon pushed past him and slashed the driver side front tire. He turned and stared at the man. “So?”

The man shook as his car sunk to its hub caps with Lyndon’s final stroke. Lindon walked back around to the man.

“Aren’t you glad I didn’t curse you with a knife to the gut?”

He brandished the blade near the man’s belly, making quick slashing movements. Lyndon’s skin grew hot with the intensity of his furious ferocity. He loved it. He felt free; alive!

The man backed up into his car, his eyes welling, streaming with tears.

Lyndon jabbed at the man’s eye, the man yelped, but Lindon’s blade did not cut. He simply dabbed the flowing water at the man’s left eye, wetting his blade. He brought it to his mouth and a savored the emotional outburst on his tongue.

“You’re lucky. You saved yourself this day, you old fuck. Be kinder to people from now on, won’t you? I’d hate to run into you again.”

Lyndon folded his knife and walked away. The man fell to the pavement as the Goodwill employees finally opened the door.


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