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The Women in My Life


Ignorance drove you from me. I wish I could go back knowing what I know now, but I’d probably do the same thing. I know now your grief. I didn’t understand before, but God is teaching me so much. In my ignorance I followed the teachings of Gray and Style, only to find that it corrupted who I was. I couldn’t accept that you were not interested, but I understand now. The pain I caused you, please forgive me. And I ask that you pray I forgive myself and let go of the pain I caused you.

Though I can’t fully blame you for the pain I’ve caused myself over these two years, I can’t help but feel you pushed me in this horrible direction. I am bitter, but I still love you, because I know who you really are.


I’m sorry. You were authentically interested in me, and I had become something I didn’t intend to become. I thought it was what women wanted; I’m an idiot. I was insecure and showed you a terrible side of me that was created from my own ignorance. I could blame YDAHOAW, but I have to take responsibility for my actions and weakness. I liked having you as a friend. I’m sorry we’re not speaking. I hope we can make amends and be friends.


My only intention was to sleep with you. I was insecure because of YDAHOAW, and I was weakened by this shift in thinking. I had no intention in going any further with you, but we got into a relationship I wasn’t ready for. I hurt you so bad; you were so into me. I hated myself for putting you into that situation. I couldn’t trust myself, and I couldn’t trust you. And no matter how much you tried to show me that you were there, I didn’t want you around…

You left me, and we became close friends. We are closer and I feel like I lost something. My heart broke several times over for you, but I know I broke yours too. I’d say we’re even, but I’m pretty sure that I’m the loser.

I want nothing but your happiness. I love you.


You sparked me brighter than anyone I can remember. I liked you instantly and I thought you liked me. I appreciate you were up front with me, and I want you to know I never lied to you. When we met, I was still recovering from IEYDAPPA, I didn’t intend to fall for you. I’m sorry I ruined our friendship, but I want to say this: if you really have no intention of a relationship, don’t date. Guys have two things on their mind when they’re on a date. I’m sure you know what they are. I do hope that we become friends again. Like YWOAU, you’re really cool.


I’m so sorry I played with your heart. I am angry with women right right now, and I’ve been played with too many times… I know how it feels and it sucks. My silence towards you is for your own good. I pray a proper gentleman will come to you. Please wait for him. Build yourself up, and don’t take any crap from any other shitty guys.


As for me, I recognize that I need to heal. I need to give myself the proper time to grieve. I need to build myself up and recognize my worth. I need friendship and that is the extent of what I need right now.

All of you ladies, I am sorry. I couldn’t be secure in my own skin and tried to change who I was to impress you. I did shitty guy things and I am repenting for them. I am focusing on my work and I hope that one day, if we meet again, I will be filled with God and be the man that I was intended to be.

I love you.

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I’m sure that when you landed on my page, you were astonished to see the heading there: Howlietzer Publishing.
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