Fictional paranormal news from Howlietzer Publishing
BRIAR COUNTY—A local Democratic campaign suspended its experimental voter outreach program Tuesday after a contracted necromancer contacted 400 deceased residents, many of whom demanded different candidates.
“We were told this was a reliable demographic,” said campaign director Bethany Price. “That assessment was made before we spoke to them.”
The initiative, nicknamed “Beyond the Veil,” began after a campaign consultant encountered allegations online about Democrats casting ballots in the names of deceased citizens.
Rather than dispute the premise, the consultant submitted a proposal.
Outreach Exceeds Expectations
The campaign hired Silas Wicker, a regional necromancer whose previous work included ancestral consultations, disputed inheritances, and locating a grandfather buried with the only key to a riding mower.
Wicker maintains that the campaign purchased his basic communication package.
“I said, ‘Of course I can raise their voices,’” Wicker told reporters. “It costs extra to raise their hands to sign anything.”
The first session took place Monday evening in the basement of campaign headquarters, where volunteers arranged folding chairs around a chalk circle and unplugged the coffee urn to accommodate a ceremonial brazier.
Contact was established at 8:43 p.m.
The campaign’s opening question—“Can we count on your support this November?”—produced eleven simultaneous objections and a request to turn down the brazier.
Party Loyalty Proves Complicated
Campaign records indicated that many of those summoned had been registered Democrats during their lifetimes. Staff soon discovered that the dates of those lifetimes mattered.
Earl Puckett, who died in 1898, demanded to know why a woman was running the meeting. Price assigned a volunteer to explain the intervening constitutional amendments.
More recently deceased voters proved no easier to persuade.
“I voted Democrat for sixty years,” said Julie Potter, who died in 2000. “That doesn’t mean I signed up for everything you thought of afterward.” She requested the candidate’s position on abortion and rejected an offer to discuss his infrastructure plan first.
Adam Pearl, who died in 1995, became embroiled in an argument about gender identity. When a volunteer suggested taking the discussion in the parking lot, he demanded to know why they needed to go outside.
Price attempted to restore focus. “Trump is a fascist dictator who is trying to take away our democracy!” she told the assembled spirits.
“You said this was a listening session,” Potter replied. “We’ve been here forty minutes, and all you’ve told us is who you hate.”
Volunteers offered free T-shirts and “I Voted” stickers. The spirits asked what they had supposedly voted on.
Gerald Voss Enters the Dispute
Local attorney and part-time medium Gerald Voss arrived Tuesday morning after receiving what he described as “an actionable volume of knocking” inside his filing cabinet.
Voss now represents 83 deceased residents in a proposed class action against the campaign, seeking an end to unwanted summonses and fundraising requests.
One plaintiff, who died in 1986, reportedly received a message stating that his failure to contribute five dollars before midnight would place the future of the county in jeopardy.
“He found that upsetting,” Voss said. “He was under the impression he had finished being responsible for this.”
The complaint also alleges that several spirits, after reuniting with their families, discovered recurring campaign donations still being charged to accounts their relatives had spent years trying to close.
Price said cancellation required only a few straightforward steps on the donor dashboard. “One of my clients thinks a dashboard is something you attach to a horse,” Voss replied. “You’ll need to be more specific.”
Republican Observer Requests Access
The Briar County Republican Committee dispatched election observer Dennis Rusk after learning about the program.
Rusk demanded immediate access to the basement, citing concerns about transparency and the possibility of organized electoral misconduct.
His inspection was interrupted when a voice from the chalk circle addressed him by his full name.
According to witnesses, Rusk stood motionless for several seconds before saying, “Mama?”
The ensuing exchange concerned an unvisited grave, a casserole dish that had never been returned to Rusk’s sister, and his decision to sell his father’s tools.
Rusk later described the session as “a deeply inappropriate partisan ambush.”
His mother subsequently retained Voss.
Election Office Issues Clarification
County election administrator Paula Hensley confirmed that the deceased remain ineligible to vote.
“Manifesting in a campaign basement does not change that,” she said.
Hensley also rejected Wicker’s request to classify corporeal resurrection as a change of address.
“We have a form for moving,” she said. “We do not have one for whatever Mr. Wicker is proposing.”
No ballots were issued during the outreach session. Nevertheless, the election office received 37 calls Tuesday asking whether a glowing ancestor qualified as acceptable identification.
Hensley has requested that campaigns stop giving out her personal number.
Negotiations Continue
The summoned residents have since formed the Briar County Association for Eternal Rest and Cemetery Access.
Their demands include repairs to the cemetery road, an end to fundraising messages, and removal of a motion-activated Halloween skeleton installed beside the maintenance shed.
Association spokesperson Ruth Bell called the decoration “a workplace caricature.”
Wicker has offered to conclude the summoning at no additional charge, but several participants refuse to leave until their concerns are entered into the county commission’s official minutes. He has begun charging the campaign for overnight containment.
For now, the campaign basement remains occupied.
Volunteers have moved phone banking upstairs. The coffee urn is still disconnected. Something inside the supply closet has been asking about the school budget since Tuesday.
Voss says a settlement is possible, provided campaign leadership approaches his clients with realistic expectations. “For years, people have claimed the dead vote,” he said. “Now that someone’s asked them, they’d prefer you stop speaking on their behalf.”
